The Nut

If you’ve seen all I have seen. You would care more about me.
Tell me how you feel, and then you will understand.

I can tell you about that day I fell for him.
It was a beautiful and dark night, I sat there next to him.
His dark blue eyes captured mine when he took my left hand.
He kneeled infront of me, said my name with a sad voice.
I didn’t blink an eye. I was taken by surprise.

I thought, is this true? Am I really here?
Why does he care about a girl like me?

He told me everything he liked about me.
He brought up all the things he and I could do together in the future.
He told me what he really felt about me.

In that minute, I did my mistake.
Told him that I didn’t knew what to say.
‘Cause I was in shock, my head was all blank.
I couldn’t tell him about my strong love for him...

So, can you understand me now?
Do you understand how I feel after I have told you about my biggest mistake?

I can’t live, can’t do anything right.
Whatever I do, I just think about him.
Every minute, there are silent tears falling from my eyes.

I’m crying. Because of him. For you.

My whole body is screaming after the one who took what's left of my heart.
How can I be such a fool?
I didn’t even have the chance to say why...

 

 

Nathalie  -06

Wish me love
Wish me song
Give me all
that you got.
Give me the longing
I have been waiting for.
Wish me hate
Wish me dead
Give me all
that you´ll fate.
Give me all happiness
I have been dreaming of.
Wishing of longing...

Nathalie  -05

Where are you? Do you feel where I have gone?

I can’t reach you. I don’t understand. I don’t know where I am.

It’s all dark. Can’t see.

I feel this cold in my chest. Feel ice beneath my feet.

I can hear something lurging behind me.

I’m afraid. Where am I?


Can’t you find me? Where have you gone?

Please come back. I scream. High and loud for help.

It’s all silent. Not a sound anywhere. It’s so silent.

I can’t even hear my own breath, nor my pounding heart.

God, where am I? Cannot someone help me?

Suddenly, ahead of me, a shadow crossing my path.

“Stop! Don’t go! Come back!”

I run, the fastest I can, I’m almost behind the shadow.

But, it’s gone…

Still I’m trying to follow it.


My hands are freezing cold,

I can’t even use them to move branches off my face.

My only love has left me, he’s gone.

I have abandonded myself. All warmth has disappeared.

It will never return to me.

The courage is gone, the hope is lost.

My soul has fallen apart.

I’m cold.

I have fallen down. Lying there in the snow.


Closing my eyes.

And take my last, longing breath…

 

 

 

Nutley -07

He jumped over me like I was some victim.
I hit his chest, he screamed.
Then he took my armes and locked them, I didn't have a chance to move.
I screamed for help, he kissed my lips to shut me up.
I tossed my head backward som hard that I hitted my head in a wall.
I moaned and felt like my scull would expload.
He kicked my legs foward, I lost my balance and felled on the ground.
For the second time he jumped over me, and with his bodyweight he
held me down on the ground.
I couldn´t come up. I was trapped.
Again I screamed but he slapped my face, my cheakbone sounded like it cracked.
It sippred blood out my nose. He laughed.
He laughed wicked but quiet.
I stared at him, he was out of his mind!
He acted not just like a rapist, also like a madman.
"Oh my God", slipped out of my mouth.
"Shut the fuck up", he said.
Quick as an elephant he tried to open my jeans.
It was like that he didn´t knew how to do it.
I tried to move but he was faster than me, he had me trapped again.
I tried to kick him, I tried everything.
Suddendly my pants was off, he got loose on my blause. Almost naked.
I begged for my life. Tears drowned my eyes, he stopped with that he was doing and looked at my face.
He had brown eyes, beautiful eyes. Blond hair, unspecial face.
Then I heard "what the". I looked up, tried to look behind me.
A man stood a bit further from us and looked like he was going to run off and forget everything he had seen that night.
"Help me", I wispered. My voice was almost gone.
The man looked at my face and the second after he stood over me and the madman. The friendly man grabbed the rapist and tried to drag him off me. Madman got upset, looked over his shoulder but he tried to hang on on me.
Then I felt this terrible pain in my head again.
Madman had pointed a kick right in my head like a last goodbye. I responded with a long curse.
After that everything was black.
I never remembered anything of that afterwards. Ever...

 

 

 

Nutley

Emotions growing between
Things are starting to be more deep
Years passing by, their music always pressed on repeat
Life is fading, feelings dies
Tone of love has come to the end.

What to do, how to turn on the light
Will happiness ever be the same

Behind the wooden wall they will stay
With a wall of glass between
They can see, but not to touch
They can talk, but not to hear

Bond has broken, want no scar to be shown
Following, still feeling alone
Talking, still being alone
Laughing, no one smiles.

See a glimpse of light, white teeth shining in the black room.
Emotions growing between
Things are more deep. . .

Climbing up the stairs, seeking for the one.
Digging through the ashes, looking for the truth.
Running at the walls, haunted by the evil.
Walking in the wheel of life, she's not coming by.
It's all standing still...

Will she ever come out, will she never be free.
Would her life just go on in the darkness.
She's trapped by her hate, she's caught in their fate.
Will she never be loved by her chosen one.

Pointing at the innocent, she's never done wrong.
Claiming her life, she must be set loose.
Lightning of darkness remains in this world.
Hate and love walking side by side.
Her hand touch his heart...

Will she ever come out, will she never be free.
Would her life just go on in the darkness.
She's trapped by her hate, she's caught in their fate.
Will she never be loved by her chosen one.

The music of crying, will forever go on.
Singing inside the cage, crying for help.
Hoping for rescue, is she only naive.
Her day of doom is coming closer.
Will she ever break lose...

Will she ever come out, will she never be free.
Would her life just go on in the darkness.
She's trapped by her hate, she's caught in their fate.
Will she never be loved of her chosen one.
Would she ever be loved by her chosen one...

Been here for ages, thinking about everything.
Nothing seems real or right, all is a lie.
Feeling alone here, with everyone by my side.
Feeling left out by all humankind.

I'm in the light of the darkness in my soul.
I'm in the smoke of flames that burns it to a hole.
I'm in the blood of flesh that tores me apart.
I am both everything and nothing in his heart.

Cannot go back there, I must set things right.
Feeling the warmth in my body has turned down.
My senses fading, I'm no human anymore.
Turned to this beast of beauty who hurts everyone.

I'm in the light of the darkness in my soul.
I'm in the smoke of flames that burns it to a hole.
I'm in the blood of flesh that tores me apart.
I am both everything and nothing in his heart.

"I'm reckless, I'm evil. Have no faith in the world.
I'm sorry, don't want to hurt you anymore.
I will make things alright, all will be better now.
My promise to you will stand forever."

I'm in the light of the darkness in my soul.
I'm in the smoke of flames that burns it to a hole.
I'm in the blood of flesh that tores me apart.
I am both everything and nothing in his heart.

I won't go out there, I can promise him this.
My love for him can't hold out it's out of sight.
Cannot face him, I won't reach for his hand.
My promise will now stand forever.

Don't come here and think that you could take it all from me.
All i want, all I have.
You would steal it, and use it.

Destroy it just for your own sake, who could do such a thing.
Who could be so selfish and so evil, only only you. ( I love you)

I waited all day for a sign, of regret.
I have a wish that you could show humanity
Naivity remains in my lonely world,
our world of bitterness will be pointed to the sky.
The lifewave now dries away, until the tide forever fade.

Please oh please, why don't you stop hurting me.
My feelings will die as soon as your feelings will die for me.

A chain around my heart now turns harder,
the blood drippes out of my heart, and then float back into yours.
Will you now understand my pain.
Your ability of using me, will it lead me to my death.
Would you be dancing on my grave,
or will you be following me to the end.

Please oh please, why don't you stop hurting me.
My feelings will die as soon as your felings will die for me.

Please baby please, can't you stop hurting me.
My feelings will die as hard as your feelings will die for me.

Die for me.

Pictures your'e taking, a photo of me on the grass.
The city, the forrest, a stone and leafs through the glass.

Darkness is luring, you kiss me goodbye once again.
You take one last picture, before you smile and go away.

I will never be able, to see those eyes.
To hear that laugh, to feel that warmth.
Knowing this was the last time to touch those hands,
to speak with love in my voice.

Letters are written, the words will never be read.
Longing for answer, I know that you'll never come back.

Walking through places, feeling your presence is still here.
Touching the trees in the forrest, where we lived through many years.

I will never be able, to see those eyes.
To hear that laugh, to feel that warmth.
Knowing this was the last time to touch those hands,
to speak with love in my voice.

Dreaming of photos, that's falling like rain from the sky.
Swim in the ocean of pictures,
I'm trying to hide (from loneliness)

There you stand at the surface, on the ocean you've made for me.
Giving me one smile, I've longing to see.
Please resque me from your ocean of pictures, but your smile fades away.

Now I'm drowning.